Oy. Are we ready for a Wednesday brain dump? I HOPE SO because here’s one coming your way.
This week is a battle of the conflicted emotions. Not necessarily in a bad way, and certainly not in a dramatic way, but just in a “I need to figure this stuff out” kind of way. Mostly this is in reference to my trip to Europe. I am PSYCHED to be going. BEYOND psyched! But also, kind of bummed to be leaving Portland just as I get in the swing of my “new” life here.
I realize this is a very trivial thing to be conflicted about, and I really am grateful for the opportunity — this trip has been planned for well over a year (I use the word “planned” very loosely here… tickets were bought, but plans for most of it remain very vague). Originally, I thought I might be in Bali until now — doing a 500 hour teacher training that would end mid-June and send me straight to England, where I’d meet my family. Obviously, my plans changed. Everything changed! I’m home, in a new apartment, new situation, new life altogether, and finally feeling like it really is my life.
Living in my apartment, now for nearly two months, it finally feels like my apartment. Not having a car, and being “that person” who always bikes or busses, feels normal and achievable. Teaching yoga feels normal, and comfortable. Being single feels real, and frankly: exciting. Living near my family is introducing all sorts of new norms into my life — mostly, just seeing them on a regular basis! I have my neighborhood coffee shop and dive bar — where baristas and bartenders know my name and ask for updates on my life. I belong. So, for those reasons, leaving this week has me a little bit conflicted.
I know it will all be here waiting for me when I get back, but I’ve spent so much time in the last few months focusing on being present and moving FORWARD, that to put everything on pause feels off. I am so so so looking forward to 10 days in England with my family (extended, SO MANY OF US!), then a week alone in Scotland, and finally a week with my BFF in Iceland — but also to coming home and having some uninterrupted time in Portland to solidify my life: personal, social, career, etc.
I very nearly deleted all the words in this post because I realize I’m so lucky to have this “problem” in the first place. I am grateful! I am! But one of the biggest things I’ve learned in the last year, which keeps me sane and peaceful, is to let myself feel my emotions. Not suppress them or discount them, or tell myself I “shouldn’t” feel a certain way. Let them come up. Let them be felt. Don’t judge them, but just observe. So, here we are observing my emotions together. Thanks, guys!
Should we move onto muffins? These are way WAY more exciting on every level than anything else we could ever talk about: they are BROWN BUTTER RHUBARB MUFFINS! Need I say more? Seriously. So good!
I used my go-to brown butter blueberry muffin base, slightly modified, omitted the streusel (because HELLO pretty rhubarb strips!), and added rhubarb. And obviously omitted the blueberries (although now I think blueberries AND rhubarb in one muffin sounds uh-mazing)! I made mine in big muffin tins, so depending on your tin size you’ll need to adjust baking time. GO MAKE THESE! BEFORE THE WORLD RUNS OUT OF RHUBARB! Oooh what a sad day.
Love you ALL! Thanks for being here and listening to me ramble, and hopefully going to your kitchen to make something tasty. I’m off to try packing for weather much colder than anything I’ve experienced recently… xoxoPrint
- 8 Tbsp unsalted butter
- ⅓ cup milk
- 2 eggs
- 1 tsp vanilla
- 1 2/3 cups flour
- ¾ cup + 1 Tbsp sugar
- 1½ tsp baking powder
- ¾ tsp salt
- 2 cups chopped rhubarb*
- Preheat the oven to 375, and prepare a muffin pan with either butter or liners.
- In a small saucepan over medium heat, melt the butter.
- Continue to cook the butter, as it crackles and pops, until the crackling stops and the solids have turned a medium-brown color.
- Remove from heat and pour the putter into a separate dish, as not to burn it.
- Let the butter cool at least 10 minutes.
- Whisk together milk, eggs, and vanilla until fully combined. Add the brown butter and whisk together.
- In a separate bowl, combine flour, sugar (except for 1 Tbsp), baking powder, and salt. Mix to combine, then add the wet ingredients all at once. Stir gently to combine.
- Toss the chopped rhubarb with the remaining 1 Tbsp of sugar, then fold into the dough. Divide the dough equally among your muffin tins.
- Bake for 18-20 minutes. Muffins should be golden and crisp on the top, and a cake-tester will come out clean.
- Let the muffins cool 15 minutes in the pan before removing.
If you want the same rhubarb-strip-look, take a vegetable peeler and carefully peel a thin layer off of one of your rhubarb stalks before cutting it. Then, cut into lengths the width of your muffin tins, and lay one or two on top of each unbaked muffin.